After divorce it’s hard to feel like yourself again. Your self-confidence took a big hit and you shouldn’t minimize it. Mostly, you feel tired and the failure of your marriage weighs on your mind -of course, it wasn’t a failure, but it feels that way sometimes. If you have kids, you probably are also stressed about being able to be a good parent now that they’re in shared custody, or you have most of the custody.
For me, it hit me after some months of living in my new home and once I started the routine of the shared custody. I thought everything was great, I was happy with moving on finally from the messy separation and the constant back and forth to making decisions for every little detail with the kids, school, new routine for the weekends, etc. But in reality, I was doing a lot and not thinking about myself at all.
I was keeping busy trying to compensate in every little thing , aka my self-confidence was super low, because I felt I wasn’t enough. Of course, I couldn’t keep it up for long and one night I collapsed. Little by little a started re-building my confidence by paying attention to my new self and how she wanted to do things now that life had been reset with new rules and responsibilities. Here are 5 steps I took to rebuild my self-confidence and my clients love:
- Realize how far you’ve come: your kids are starting to feel normal in their new routines, you have a new home, the relationship with the other parent is finally clear and you’re starting to rebuild as the parents of your kids
- Put yourself in the list of priorities: don’t forget that you have to take care of yourself as much as your kids, your job, and others. This will help you start reconnecting to the person you’re becoming and leave behind who you were. Be gentle and patient with yourself.
- Pick up a hobby or new activity: this will bring joy in your life outside of the family life. You are a woman that is now single and needs to enjoy life as much as you can. You will meet new people and feel free from all the responsibilities that now lie on yourself as a single parent, even if it is twice a week.
- Tell others that you’re divorced: people will listen and know that you might need help from time to time. Don’t hesitate to ask, you’ll be surprised how much people will understand that you are adjusting to a new life and want to help you.
- Find time to set up a routine to work on your mindset: it could be journaling, affirmations, listening to inspiring podcasts, anything that makes you feel good and inspired and will give you that extra energy to learn new things and feel confident in yourself again.
Believe me, things don’t change overnight, and you have what it takes to be your self-confident best. Self-love and self-compassion go a long way. If you don’t know how to do it, talk to your good friends and listen to how they treat you, then do the same when you’re alone. After all, you are the badass mom that got divorced and is building a new and better life for your family. Celebrate this every time! I believe in you and every woman that fights to be her best self. Love and hugs!
Val Maurer Coach 